He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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