All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
