I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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