Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
