Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
