Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
