Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
