If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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