You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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