what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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