I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
