it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
