You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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