I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
