She announced her abortion via fbk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
