Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
