there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
