we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
