I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
