My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
