Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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