i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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