the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
