Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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