Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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