He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
