If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My feet surprised me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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