Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
