how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
