that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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