We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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