I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
