She is in my trunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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