hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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