Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
