So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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