I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
