Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
