Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
