You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
