Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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