ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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