I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
