just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize