When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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