I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
