Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
