so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
