no, he came in my armpit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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