I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize