Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are two peas in an std pod
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
