your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
