bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
