And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
