Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
