oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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