Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
