I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
