I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
