your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize