Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
