my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
