So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
