Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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