Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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