I am puke
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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