he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
