I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My pussy is not your playground.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
