I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
