I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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